Smissmas With Heavy's Family
by Corporal Fire
Summary: Heavy and Zhanna go back to their home in Siberia for Smissmas, bringing their respective partners — Medic and Soldier — with them. As with most families, not everything goes according to plan. Will they be able to put their differences aside long enough to enjoy the holiday?


AN: It's Christmas time and this idea popped into my head. It's not part of the canon of my other TF2 fanfics, so take it for the random Christmas/Smissmas gift for all of you that it is. I hope this can make it merry for you despite the rather nasty changes that came with the Smissmas 2016 update. I even *gasp* ignored actual canon at the end of A Cold Day In Hell for the setting because the ambiance was just right. As well, I'm still writing Like Father, Like Son and I plan/hope to have Chapter 5 out around the New Year. We'll see how that goes. Please enjoy and have a Merry Christmas/Smissmas!

* * *

In The Dzhugdzhur Mountains, Siberia, Russia. Smissmas Day.

* * *

"Why couldn't we drive the truck to your house?"

Heavy chuckled. "We try that once and we get stuck. It was bad."

Medic shielded the small white bird from the blustering snow, seemingly afraid that he'd blend in and vanish before his eyes if he wasn't careful. He had a quilt bundled in his arms with a tiny bird's head sticking out of it. "Are we almost there, _bärchen_? Archimedes is quite cold." As he had been doing periodically for the entire hike, he dusted off some of the built up snow as best as he could while trying to keep the blanket wrapped up.

" _Da_ , we will be there soon."

They rounded the path leading up the snowy hill, soon coming past the tall pine trees to reveal a large home surrounded by grand mountains and numerous trees. It looked like a mansion crossed with a log cabin, both grand yet rustic and cozy. Medic could hardly believe his eyes. "You live _here_?"

" _Da_. I built it with Mama and my sisters."

" _Mein Gott_ …"

"It was once very small," Heavy said. "We only had front room at first."

"It's wonderful…"

Heavy smiled. "We should go inside. Doctor must be cold."

Medic nodded and followed Heavy into the house. He tapped his boots clean on the front step and called out, "Mama, we're here!"

Instead of being greeted by Heavy's mother, heavy footfalls banged down the stairs. Soldier laughed as soon as he saw the two men in the front hall. "Take that, cupcake! Zhanna and I were here half an hour earlier than you!"

Heavy rolled his eyes and peeled off his thick coat, hanging it and his hat on one of the hooks.

"You didn't have to worry about keeping a dove warm," Medic shot back, using his toe to step on the heel of his other boot so he could pull his foot out without unlacing. He failed to wiggle his foot free, so Heavy untied his boots for him.

Heavy also removed Medic's hat and said, "Let's take Archimedes to the fireplace."

" _Ja_ , once my glasses unfog. I can't see anything."

Heavy simply scooped the quilt ball into his arms.

"Ah, _danke_ , Heavy." Medic wiped his glasses near the hem of his crisp white dress shirt, then returned them to their rightful spot on his face. "There we go."

Heavy pushed past Soldier, who was blocking the doorway, into the family room where a toasty fire was warming the room. After coming in out of the cold, the heat almost felt too hot. In the corner stood the grand Smissmas tree, decorated with soft white lights and an assortment of ornaments collected over several years; none of them matched. Some were made by Mama, others he had made as a child, some were made by his sisters. He frowned slightly when he saw one Papa had made the Smissmas before his death. It was a small wooden trinket he had carved out of a dry chunk of wood, seemingly one of the worst pieces he could have chosen to craft it out of. Yet, he somehow made it beautiful in its own way. It wasn't even carved evenly. Every year, Heavy hung it near the top of the tree at the front, allowing it to stand out among the collection of other ornaments, some ugly and others quite beautiful.

"Heavy? Are you alright?"

Heavy turned around, remembering the bird nestled in the blanket ball he held when he saw Medic. Soldier was gone, probably to wherever Zhanna was. " _Da_ ," he said. "I'm fine." He sat on the floor in front of the fire, unwrapping Archimedes at long last. The bird stretched his neck after having kept it close to his body for so long and ruffled his feathers.

Medic sat beside him, stroking Archimedes' head with his finger. "That feels better, doesn't it, Archimedes?"

Heavy put an arm around Medic and kissed his rosy cheek. Medic cuddled into him and seemed to enjoy the fire just as much as his pet. They stayed there for a few minutes until Yana's voice travelled down the hall, saying, "Dinner's ready!"

The two got up and made their way to the dining room; Medic perched Archimedes on his shoulder. There was also a fire crackling at the far end of the room, casting its warm glow over the set table. A centrepiece made of pine branches and pinecones brought a festive mood to the cozy room. Mama came around the corner from the kitchen, carrying the golden-brown roasted goose on a silver platter.

"Misha, there you are!" She set the entree down and hugged her son. "How long have you been home?"

"Only for few minutes," Heavy said, holding her tightly. When he let go, he said, "Mama, this is Medic."

"A pleasure to meet you," Medic said, extending his hand to her.

She shook his hand with a smile. "Ah, so you are the one my son tell me so much about."

He chuckled. "All good things, I hope."

"Yes. All good things," Heavy confirmed.

The men joined Yana, Bronislava, Zhanna, and Soldier at the table, then Mama strode back into the kitchen. She returned with a few new dishes, filled with an assortment of beets, carrots, and mashed potatoes. She took her place and began to carve the bird as the various dishes were passed from person to person.

Everyone chatted and laughed as they recalled fond memories and enjoyed their meals. Everything — thanks to Mama, Yana, and Bronislava — was cooked to perfection. It couldn't have been lovelier even if they'd tried; that is, until dessert was served.

After they had finished their meals and cleared their plates, Zhanna brought out a dark brown mound of something Heavy couldn't identify. Little black chunks were somewhat visible, peppered through whatever the thing was. She set it on the table and began to serve, not bothering to ask how much anyone wanted. Despite its awful appearance, Heavy politely began to eat.

It tasted no better than it looked. If anything, he was sure it somehow was much worse. He could have sworn he tasted lime and cinnamon; he was thankful he even managed to swallow it. The chunks turned out to be spicy beef jerky and some other unidentifiable thing. Heavy couldn't tell if it was cat food or some canned war ration and he wasn't sure he wanted to know either way.

Heavy managed to choke his way through a bite of it before Medic hacked into a napkin then grumbled, " _Was zur Hölle ist das? Wer hat diesen müll gemacht? Ich will namen!_ " He knew exactly what that meant: 'What the hell is this? Who made this garbage? I want names!" Medic spat into his napkin, looking green around the gills.

"Speak English, Oktoberfest!" Soldier said in his usual abrasive tone.

Medic furrowed his brow, clenching his teeth. "Who made this disgusting thing?" he asked, chugging a glass of water as if someone would take it away if he didn't finish it right then and there.

"I did!"

He rolled his eyes. "So _that's_ why it's like that."

"That is American fruitcake! You'd better enjoy it, private!"

"Yes. Soldier only make best dessert!" Zhanna added.

"What is… in it?" Heavy asked.

"You only wish you could know. That's confidential."

Medic coughed again. "That's the worst 'fruitcake' I've ever had. There's not even any fruit in it!"

"Come again?" Soldier cupped a hand to his ear. "I didn't hear you, maggot!"

"Ah, my mistake," Medic said with false sincerity. "I meant to say it was the worst thing I've ever eaten. Right, Heavy?"

Heavy clenched his fists, remaining silent.

"You take that back or I'll make you run laps around the mountains until you do!"

" _Nein_. I refuse!"

Soldier leaped to his feet. "Apologize, damn you!"

"Never!"

Heavy slammed both of his hands on the table, causing the cutlery to rattle and Soldier and Zhanna's mostly full drinks to slosh out of their cups; everyone else downed theirs after tasting the 'fruitcake'. "Everyone shut up!"

The room fell silent.

"Stop fighting like babies." He marched out of the room, stomping up the stairs to his bedroom, slamming the door once he was inside. He sank onto the bed and let out a weary sigh. It was the first Smissmas he was spending with anyone other than his mother and his three sisters and it had already gone to hell. Was it too much to ask everyone to get along for a day? Heavy didn't recall Medic usually being as rude as he had been about the 'fruitcake'. Didn't he know that talking like that would only get Soldier riled up?

He decided to not reflect on it any longer. The day was ruined and there would be no fixing it at the rate it was going; not when neither of them would compromise. Instead, he grabbed his copy of _A Smissmas Carol_ from his bookshelf, grabbed his reading glasses from his bedside table, and opened it to the first page.

As he was about to start reading, he heard Medic shout "Archimedes, stop that! _Vati_ is very disappointed in you!" Heavy inwardly cringed, hoping whatever happened wasn't too bad.

Much to his disappointment, he heard Bronislava shriek, "My presents! This is bad! I must fix this right now!"

Archimedes may have had a habit of trying to nest in people's organs, but he wasn't aware of the bird liking paper as well. First the fight with Soldier, now he let Archimedes go out of control. Why was he suddenly acting out of character? Heavy then began to read, tired of the day and it wasn't even all that dark outside yet. As he had planned to before, Heavy began to read.

He was a few chapters in before there was a knock on his door.

"Go away," he said just loud enough to be heard.

" _Bärchen_ , it's me."

"Do not care. Go."

Despite his clear wishes, the door opened and Medic walked in and sat at the end of the bed. Heavy was lying down, holding the book in front of his face with one hand. When Medic came, he sighed and snapped it shut, sitting up to look him in the eye. "I tell you not to come in, yet you still come in."

With a slight smile, he said, "I'm a doctor; it's my job to check on my patients."

"Heavy is fine. Doctor can go now."

"Talk to me, _bitte_? What's wrong?"

Rather than providing an answer, Heavy asked, "What happened downstairs?"

"That?" The man shook his head and chuckled. "Archimedes unwrapped a few presents to make a nest. You should have seen it. There were shreds of wrapping paper everywhere!"

Heavy frowned. "Is Bronislava okay?"

"She seemed to be, _ja_."

"Did you talk to Soldier?"

"Well, uh… no."

"Why?"

Medic adjusted his glasses, offering a sheepish smile. "He's outside and refusing to come in. Zhanna's with him."

"You should go outside. Doctor needs to apologize."

He crossed his arms with a huff. "He's a _dummkopf_ for making such a wretched thing. He should be apologizing to me for making me eat that."

"Why are you being stupid?"

Narrowing his eyes at him, he asked, "Excuse me?"

"Is not like you to cause stupid fight with Soldier," Heavy said. "You know better."

"I know, it's just…" Medic sighed. "I get a bit… tense about the holidays and I just met your mother for the first time; I wasn't sure if she would like me."

He smiled softly. "Mama likes most people. She even likes Soldier, and Soldier said stupid thing when he came."

"Oh, well, that's good. Anyway, we should probably get our coats on and find them." Medic stood; Heavy did the same. "By the way, you look good in those glasses."

"Thank you." Medic gave him a peck on the lips before he returned his reading glasses to the bedside table and went back downstairs.

Instead of putting on their coats right away, Medic returned to the family room. Cupping Archimedes in his hands, he held the dove at eye level and said, " _Vati_ and _Otets_ are going out for a bit." He kissed the dove on the head and added, "Be a good bird and don't open any more presents while we're gone."

The two got ready quickly and went outside, calling out for Soldier and Zhanna and receiving no reply while trudging through the deep snow. The snow continued to fall, but not quite as heavily as when they arrived. Much to their luck, that made it possible to see two sets of tracks from winter boots veering off toward the trees.

After following them for a while, Heavy and Medic finally found the couple sitting on a fallen tree.

"What are you doing out here?" Zhanna asked, muffled by the scarf she had wrapped around her neck and mouth.

Heavy looked to Medic who stayed silent so he elbowed him in the side, causing him to let out an 'oof' sound upon being hit. "Oh, right," Medic said. "I know we shouldn't be fighting over Smissmas, so I wanted to say I'm sorry for insulting your… 'fruitcake'."

"Damn right you are! That was my mother's recipe, made with extra spoiled sour cream!" Soldier said.

Heavy and Medic met each other's eyes and tried not to laugh.

"Enough of this," Zhanna said. "It's Smissmas. We should be getting along."

" _Da_. We are family now," Heavy added.

"But you're not getting off easy because of that," Soldier said, hurling a lump of snow at Medic, which burst in his face and threw his glasses askew. Soldier laughed and said, "That's payback, cupcake!"

Medic whipped a snowball of his own.

"This is war, private!" Soldier threw another snowball, only for it to miss and hit Heavy instead, who returned fire. Zhanna soon joined in and it quickly dissolved into a chaotic free-for-all with snowballs flying in all directions.

Once they were all covered in snow from head to toe, the four returned to the house and sipped hot chocolate while they exchanged gifts by the light of the fireplace, including the ones Bronislava rewrapped. While the day may not have gone entirely as he had planned it to, Heavy was happy to see everyone finally getting along and enjoying Smissmas together. He just hoped he never had to eat another bite of Soldier's 'fruitcake' ever again.


End file.
